Worse, they say, is the belief that someone is a top or bottom, based solely on certain physical traits, or race. Preferences change - encounter to encounter, mood to mood, and even meal to meal. Many men push back against the very idea that top or a bottom is a fixed state. Mark and other men included in this story asked that Insider omit their last names to protect their privacy. They also find it helpful to plan out what they're eating in advance, according to Mark, a 25 year-old who lives in Brooklyn, NY. It's not just douching that gay men think about before sex. Plus, it's typically something you want to do right before having sex, a few men said. But it can be unpleasant and it takes time - more than 30 minutes, in some cases. If you're on the receiving end, you often need (or prefer to have) advanced notice before having sex, so you have time to clean out your rectum, typically with an anal douche or water enema.ĭouching is a simple way to reduce anxiety during sex. This is not a reality for many gay men, and there are a few reasons for that. It's a nice idea: You lock eyes with an attractive man across the bar, and the next thing you know you're up against the wall having anal sex. The 2005 film 'Brokeback Mountain' features a sex scene that gay men say misrepresents a typical sexual encounter.